I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
