Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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