last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
