i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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