after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
