You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
