You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the day after is always just damage control
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
