you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
