Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
