fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no, he came in my armpit
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
