I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
