At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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