the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
