Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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