I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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