Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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