My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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