Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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