Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
