Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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