my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
