3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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