someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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