Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
