1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
