don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
