my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
