trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
