they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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