I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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