i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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