If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
