The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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