Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
false alarm. still invincible.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
