Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
