i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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