Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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