and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
