Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
