Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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