Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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