I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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