Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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