What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
