ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
