Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
