Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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