that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
