# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize