She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
