I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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