you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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