My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My vagina is officially offended.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
