Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
