wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?