honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....