I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
