I heard we made out
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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