I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
