I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
