Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Semen is not good for contacts.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
