I could have mohawked her pubes.
and she was petting her beer can
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
