Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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