Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize