You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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