Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
