...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
