today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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