Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize