he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
