All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
