I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
