I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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