My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
