yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
